Fight My Demons Away
by GaysForever
Summary: Tessa Gray is depressed after her parents and brother die in a car crash. She moves to London to live with her auntie but a year later she dies and Tessa is left alone again. She gets fostered by the Branwell family. They foster troubled teenagers like herself. There she meets the TID squad. She wants to commit suicide after she learns some shocking news. But will anyone save her?
1. This is me

_**Hello, fellow Shadowhunters. This is my new TID story!. I hope you like it. If you like angst filled stories, you have found the right story.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own TID or any of the characters. Tbh I only own hot chocolate and books.**_

_**TRIGGER WARNING! THERE IS SELF-HARM IN THIS CHAPTER! NOT VERY DESCRIPTIVE BUT STILL THERE!**_

My name is Theresa Gray and this is my story.

My mum, Elizabeth Gray, born Moore, dad, Richard Gray and brother Nathaniel (or Nate, as I liked to call him) Gray died in a car crash when I was 13. My brother was 15 at the time. Too young to die. That's what I believed and in fact still do. I was 16 at the time and it was a year since my Aunt Harriet died. After my family died in that car crash, I went to live in London with my Aunt Harriet. She died of cancer 2 years after I moved in with her. So I'm an orphan with no family at all. Charlotte always said that they were my family but I didn't believe that. You can't just replace a family.

I sighed and got my dress out. I was going clubbing that night. Nothing unusual for me. I went clubbing every single night. My motto was read all day, party all night. I slipped on the small, black number. I curled my hair and did my make up. I took my sky high, black heels in my hands and crept out of my room. I quietly padded down the stairs, careful not to wake anyone. Once I was out the door, I slipped on my high heels. I walked to my car and drove off to the Pandemonium club.

I arrived just a bit past midnight. I walked in and basically ran over to the bar. The barista was called Magnus Bane. He was a very sparkly person. He was also bisexual. I smiled at him and he smirked back.

"What would you like, Princess?" he asked me. His nickname for me was Princess but why I don't have a clue.

"Gimme coke and rum," I ordered. He nodded and quickly served me my drink. I gulped it down and ordered the same drink 4 times in a row. I felt intoxicated after that. Intoxicated but free. I went to dance and some boy grabbed me. The lights were too bright for me to see his face but he seemed young. He put his hands on my hips, twirled me around so my back was at his chest and grinded my hips against his. I put my hands in the air and continued grinding my hips against his. We danced like that for what seemed like forever and then he started kissing my neck. I grinded harder against him and I could hear him groan. I smiled at his reaction. Then I turned around to face him and put my arms around his neck. I continued grinding my hips against his but I also pressed my lips to his. He kissed me back with even more fervour.

"Wanna get a room?" the boy suggested. His voice was husky with desire and I nodded my head. Sometimes shit happened and I had to get my mind of things. I rarely did one night stands but that night it was the death anniversary of my Aunt and I had to get my mind of it. He lead me towards the rooms at the back. My mind was racing but I ignored the signals going off inside my brain. He shut the door after I walked in and then pushed me onto the bed.

"Eager, are we?" I purred seductively. The lighting was dim so I still didn't see his face. He climbed up on top of me and straddled my hips. He unzipped my dress and threw it to the ground. My heart pounded as he kissed my jaw, neck and shoulders. When he got to my bra strap he licked my skin there and I shuddered. My hands fumbled on the buttons off his shirt and then I pushed it off his shoulders. He kissed me full on the lips and I ran my hands over his abs. This boy had an amazing body. Soon enough the rest of our clothes were off and he pushed himself into me while his very capable hands played with my breasts. I moaned in pleasure and he chuckled a deep, sexy chuckle. It ended all too fast but I never stayed the night, especially at a club. After we were done I pulled on my clothes and walked to the door to leave. But before I left he asked me,"What's your name?"

"Tessa," I replied. I drove home and then collapsed into my bed, not bothering to get changed. I fell asleep then, and that's when the nightmares started.

I woke up sweating, as usual. I went to shower and then I got dressed. Silently, I padded downstairs into the kitchen. Charlotte was already there making breakfast. When she heard me come in she spun around and smiled at me warmly.

"Good Morning, Tessie. Would you like some toast?" she asked. Charlotte had a pleasant British accent. I nodded my head and sat down at the breakfast bar. I hoped I didn't look as tired as I felt. Charlotte set down the plate full of toast in front of me and I gobbled it down. Sometime later Will came downstairs, followed Cecily and Gabriel. He sat down beside me and I saw that he looked tired as well. I guessed I wasn't the only one who had trouble sleeping. He sat down beside and winked at me.

"How you doin' Tess? Did you sleep well? You look a bit tired," he smirked. I elbowed him in the ribs. Charlotte was in the room and she didn't know about my adventures.

"I'm fine Will. But fuck off. Please and thank you," I told him. I jumped off the chair and went back to my room. I picked up my favourite book, climbed under the covers and started reading. I then got sucked into the story.

I looked up from my book to the clock hanging on the wall. It was 2pm. That meant that everyone was out of the house. This was the only time I had to cut myself. I searched my drawers until I found my razor. I padded over to the bathroom that was in my room and locked the door behind me. I sat down on the toilet seat and took of my jeans. 1 cut for every dead member of my family on my thighs. 4 cuts on one thigh and 4 on the other. I relished in the bittersweet pain. I felt happy for once. Once I got off my high, I cleaned my thighs up and put my jeans back on. I cleaned the razor and then went out of the bathroom and blacktop my room. I hid the razor and then went back to reading. Little did I know that my door was opened when I was hiding the razor and that Will was already home.

_**So guys what did you think of it? Love it? Hate it? Should I continue it?**_


	2. Smaller, Skinnier

_**Bonjour, my friends. I haven't updated in a while. Sorry. And don't be alarmed but I'm going to switch to writing in 3rd person. Idk it seems easier now.**_

_**TRIGGER WARNING: TESSA TELLS HERSELF SOME STUFF AND SHE WILL DEVELOP AN EATING DISORDER. MAYBE NOT VERY DESCRIPTIVE SELF HARM IN THIS CHAPTER AS WELL!**_

* * *

Tessa wasn't very close with Cecily. Sure, they talked but weren't best friends or anything. Yet she came to Tessa's room that day. She heard knocking on the door so She shouted come in and in came an embarrassed looking Cecily.

"What up, Cecy?" Tessa inquired.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" she asked. Tessa nodded and patted the space on the bed beside her. She closed the door and sat down on Tessa's bed. Cecily took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"I think I'm in love," she whispered. Tessa nodded.

"With Gabriel?' she asked. Cecily shook her head and her eyes flew open.

"No and that's my problem. I think I fell in love with Jem," She said in a hushed tone. Tessa's eyes widened. Cecily fell in love with Jem? Her brothers best friend?

"Are you sure Cecy?" Tessa asked. Cecily nodded.

"I'm like 99% sure but I don't want to break up with Gabriel! You know he's still unstable after everything that happened with his dad..." she trailed off. Tessa sighed. It was true. After Gideons and Gabriel's dad went crazy Gabriel was unstable. Gideon handled it a lot better.

"You know that I don't believe in love so I'm not very useful. Sorry," Tessa sighed. She looked at Cecily. She was so pretty. She had a slight figure and was short but cute. She was skinny. That's what Tessa envied about her even though Tessa herself wasn't fat. Cecily nodded and smiled.

"Thanks either way. It feels better now that I've told somebody. I'm just gonna go now and try to figure it out on my own," Cecily said. Tessa nodded and Cecily left, leaving Tessa to her own mind which was dangerous. Tessa walked to the full length mirror in the bathroom. She lifted up her top and stared at her stomach.

"I need to be skinnier," she muttered to herself. _You're so fat, _her brain told her. _Nobody will ever want you, you fat pig, _her brain continued. _You need to be smaller, skinnier._

"Shut up, brain," she muttered to herself. _Nobody will ever want you._

"SHUT UP!" she cried. She threw herself to the ground. Her brain continued insulting her. She hit her head against the ground until she blacked out.

* * *

Tessa woke up sometime later to knocking on the door.

"Tessa! Honey, are you alright?!" a female voice asked from the other side of the door. Tessa groaned and pulled herself into a sitting position. Her head hurt like hell but she stood up with the support of the door.

"Yes, I'm in here. I'm just coming out now," she said weakly. She unlocked the door and walked out. Services was surprised to see that almost everyone was there except for Henry who was probably in his lab, tinkering around with his inventions. Charlotte looked very worried as did Cecily, Sophie and even Jessamine. Jem looked worried as well but the rest of the boys just looked bored.

"Why is everyone gathered here?" Tessa asked.

"Because you've been there for like 5 hours straight!" said Sophie. Suddenly Tessa felt very weak and her knees gave out. Before she collapsed to the ground she felt strong arms catch her.

"Call an ambulance! Quickly!" somebody said but Tessa diet recognize the voice as she was already floating in a dark abyss.

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_**So I felt this was a good place to end of the chapter. I enjoy writing cliffhangers so please don't kill me for this one! So love it? Hate it? Tell me in the reviews!**_

_**Love yah xoxox.**_


	3. The Start of a Beautiful Friendship

_**Cześć! (that is Hello in polish!) Thanks for all the reviews although there weren't much. And btw please go read Camp Blackfriars by WessaJessaHeronstairs! Ok thanks now let's go onto the story.**_

* * *

_**Will's P.O.V**_

Will was scared for Tessa. He didn't show it but he took a liking to the tall brunette. They were already in hospital for at least 2 hours and the doctors still wouldn't let them see her. Jem was muttering in Mandarin and Will only caught a few words, which in fact weren't very polite or nice words. Charlotte was pacing frantically and Henry, who had showed up when the ambulance came, had to catch her hand and pull her into him to stop her pacing. He hugged her and stroked her hair as she sobbed into his t-shirt.

"It's all my fault! If I had just tried talking to her more! Maybe she wouldn't have done this! She probably has a concussion now!" she sobbed. Will frowned. It wasn't her fault. People with depression just wanted to be left alone sometimes. He knew how that felt alright. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. This was taking very long.

About 1 hour later finally a doctor came out of her room. Charlotte quickly stood up and rubbed the back of he hands across her face to dry the tears.

"Is Tessa alright?" she asked, in a quivering voice. The doctor slightly frowned.

"She should be alright. Right now she's asleep. She has a concussion and Lacunar Amnesia," he told them. Will's frown deepened. What is Lacunar Amnesia?

"What is Lacunar Amnesia?" asked Charlotte, her eyes wide.

"Lacunar Amnesia is when the person affected forgets one specific memory. We don't know whether she will remember it after a period of time. Hopefully, she will make a full recovery but that is not certain. Now you may go and see her but not all at once," he explained to them. He nodded his head and left. Charlotte and Henry where about to go in but Charlotte turned to all of them when she was in front of the door.

"Please go home now. You have school tomorrow," she ordered them. Cecily and Sophie and Jem all looked at her like she was crazy.

"We are not leaving! We want to see her first! Please Charlotte?!" begged Cecily. She did her puppy eyes and Charlotte gave an exasperated sigh but let them go see her. Will just sat there. Charlotte looked at him.

"Will, I know you want to go see her. You can go in with me and Henry," she smiled slightly at him. Will nodded and waited for Sophie, Cecy and Jem to come out. Then they left along with Gabriel, Gideon and Jessamine. Charlotte beckoned him towards the door. Then they walked in together.

Tessa was laying on her back, her beautiful brown hair spread around her head. And on her head, was a bandage. Will sat down on the stool beside her and took her hand. He squeezed it and surprisingly she squeezed it back. He looked over at Charlotte and Henry who were standing by the door.

"She squeezed my hand back!" He said. They smiled at him.

"Will, look at her again," Charlotte told him. He looked over at her face and saw that those beautiful gray eyes were staring at him.

"Hey," she gently croaked out.

"Shhhh. Don't speak," Will ordered her. She smiled slightly.

* * *

_**Tessa's P.O.V**_

Tessa felt a pressure on her hand and she slowly opened her eyes. Her head hurt like a bitch. When she looked over at who squeezed her hand she saw raven black hair. She squeezed back and Will looked up at Charlotte and Henry.

"She squeezed my hand back!" he said. Charlotte and Henry smiled at him.

"Will, look at her again," Charlotte told him. He turned his head towards her. Then midnight blue eyes were staring right through her soul.

"Hey," she croaked out.

"Shhhh. Don't speak," he ordered her and she smiled.

"I'm going to disobey your orders. Why are you here?" she asked him. He frowned slightly.

"You do remember what happened right?" Will asked her. She racked her brain and nodded.

"I was hitting my head off the floor, then I blacked out, then I woke up and walked out of the bathroom, collapsed and somebody caught me. And now I'm in hospital. Why would you ask me?" she asked again.

"Oh, Tess, curious as always, even when you're in hospital," he chuckled, "I asked because the doctor told us you have Lacunar Amnesia, which means you forgot one of your memories. I would ask do you remember what you forgot but now I realize that would be a stupid question. Oh and by the way it was me who caught you." Tessa laughed at him and he smiled at her. And in that moment they knew, that it was the start of a beautiful friendship.

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_**So, love it? Hate it? Tell me in the reviews! Hmm, 5 reviews and I'll update as soon as possible!**_

_**Love yah xoxox**_


	4. Family Doesn't End In Blood

_**IM ALIVE! SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS I BET YOU WERENT EXPECTING THIS UPDATE! Yeah I wasn't expecting it either. I am so sorry for not updating since April I think it was, I have no excuses except for not being inspired and Tumblr. I spend too much time on Tumblr. I'm actually writing this at midnight because I couldn't fall asleep and I'm going to regret this tomorrow but lets get the party started! (and by party I mean writing)**_

_**TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE, CUTTING, EATING DISORDER ETC.**_

* * *

_**T.P.O.V**_

Tessa got out of hospital 3 days later. Her concussion was healing but she still couldn't remember what she forgot (as expected). When she got home with Charlotte, Henry and Will it didn't seem as if things were going okay in the house. Through the door they could hear screaming and sobbing. Charlotte quickly pulled out her keys from her handbag and unlocked the door. All of them ran in except for Tessa who had to rest so she slowly walked in. On the floor in front of them was Cecily, sobbing and on the phone to somebody.

"PLEASE GET AN AMBULANCE HERE AS SOON AS YOU CAN!" she sobbed. Charlotte squatted beside her.

"Hey, Cecy. What's going on darling?" Charlotte asked in a soothing voice.

"It's Gabriel. We found him in the bathroom with slit wrists," sobbed Cecily. Charlotte quickly stood up.

"Which bathroom?"

"The one beside his room," Cecy whimpered. Tessa and Will helped Cecily up and walked her to the living room while Henry and Charlotte quickly ran upstairs. Upstairs you could hear Gideon shouting stuff at Charlotte and Henry. Finally they heard the ambulance and soon there was knocking at the door. Tessa sat and hugged Cecy as Will let the paramedics in and told them where to go. They brought a stretcher in and after a while they came down with Gabriel on the stretcher. Cecily sobbed into Tessa's shoulder. Charlotte ran out of the house and into the ambulance. Henry came downstairs after a while as well.

"Guys we are going with Gabriel to the hospital. Jem is in charge. Bye," rambled Henry and then he ran out as well. After about 20 minutes Gideon came downstairs ashen-faced. He sat down beside Will on the sofa and sighed deeply.

"Hey, Gideon. It's going to be okay. Gabriel is going to be okay," whispers Tessa. Will looked at her with sorrow on his face. Cecily sobs even harder and Gideon lets out a strangled laugh.

"Tessa I hate to break this to you but it's not going to be okay! I saw how deep he cut himself! He meant to kill himself and he's not coming out of it alive. He's not coming out of it alive..." Gideon trails off. After crying for forever Cecily fell asleep and Will carried her to her bed. Sophie came down and took Gideon by his hand and led him upstairs. But Tessa? She just stayed on the sofa and stared at the ceiling. She wondered if she would ever cut deep enough to kill herself. She probably would. After a while Jem came downstairs and sat beside her. He measured her with his gaze.

"Are you okay, Tessa?" he asked sweetly. She looked over at him and smiled slightly.

"I'm fine. Thanks for asking," she replied,"I'm gonna go to my room now okay? Bye goodnight." she gave him a hug and then slowly climbed up the stairs. On the way up she passed Will who gave her a weak smile which she returned. Nothing seemed quite real. She felt as if she was in a dream. Maybe she would wake up and her family would be alive and she would be happy, without depression, without amnesia, without an eating disorder. She sighed as she slowly walked into her room. She really hoped that Gabriel would be alright. Sure they weren't very close but he was still like family to her. These people were her family and she had to accept that. Her blood family weren't coming back but family doesn't end in blood. She changed into her pyjamas (which felt amazing after having those awful hospital robes) and climbed into bed. She twisted and turned but couldn't fall asleep.

"Will?" she gently shouted. She heard footsteps and then Will poked his head around her door.

"Yes, Tess?" he asked softly.

"I can't fall asleep. Can you tell me a story?" she asked him. Will quietly padded over to her bed and sat down on the edge.

"What would you like me to tell you about?" he inquired quietly. She thought for a second and an idea popped into her mind.

"Tell me why are you here?" she told him. He sighed and had an unreadable expression on his face.

"I'm sorry, that was stupid. You don't have to if you don't want to," she quickly apologized. He shook his head.

"No. No, it's okay. I'll tell you. So I've been here since I was 12. I ran away from home. It was just after my older sister, Ella, had died. We were out at the seaside for the day and when we came back home our house was being robbed. The thieves had knives. My mum and dad got away with Cecily but my foot got stuck and Ella wouldn't leave me alone with the thieves. One of them was about to stab me in the chest but Ella jumped in front of me. She got stabbed and I finally got my foot out. The thieves just grabbed what they packed and ran. I stayed with my sister. She was bleeding out fast. The ambulance didn't get there in time. Her last words were 'Don't worry, Gwilym. I will always be in your heart.' and then she died. I saw the life flood out of her eyes and tears flooded my eyes. After her funeral I packed my things and ran away. My father had turned to gambling and he turned abusive. Now I wish I had taken Cecily with me but she got here on her own anyway. The police found me and then put me in a foster home and I've been here ever since," he finished off. A tear streamed down his cheek and Tessa without realizing what she was doing wiped it off.

"I'm sorry that I brought it up, Will. I didn't mean to make you upset," Tessa said drowsily. Will gently smiled as Tessa closed her eyes.

"No. It's okay, really," he insisted. She slowly nodded her head and he got up to leave as she was clearly falling asleep. But she grabbed his hand and pulled him back onto the bed.

"Stay," she whispered. He took off his shoes and climbed under the covers. He put an arm around Tessa and she snuggled into his chest.

"Goodnight, Will," she said quietly with a yawn at the end.

"Goodnight, Tess," he replied and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Then both of them fell asleep together.

* * *

_**So what did you think? Was it okay? Was it total rubbish? Tell me in the reviews! Also you will have to wait until the next chapter to see what happens to Gabriel so MWAHAHAHAHA I HAVE POWER. So yeah let's hope he lives.**_


	5. Nothing Gold Can Stay

_**Sorry for not updating for so long. I really don't have any excuses except for being too lazy too write and my life being a mess as usual. Sorry? Also it was my birthday on Sunday.**_

_**TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE. MAYBE CUTTING. EATING DISORDER. SADNESS IN GENERAL. DEATH.**_

* * *

_Tessa was walking across the street when she saw a car out of control. The ground was icy and it seemed that the car lost grip. She saw the car smash into a building and she quickly ran towards it. When she looked inside __she started screaming. It was her family that was inside. She called an ambulance and it arrived quite fast except it was too late for them. She sat on the cold ground and cried and screamed._

* * *

Suddenly Tessa felt somebody shake her. She opened her eyes and saw somebody leaning over her. She blinked the tears out of her eyes and saw deep blue eyes staring at her gray ones. It was Will.

"Hey, Tess. Tess, listen to me it was only a nightmare okay? Everything is okay," he soothed her. His hand stroked her cheek as tears rolled down them.

"No. It's not okay Will! Because my family really is dead and they really did die in a car crash!" she sobbed. Will pulled her against him and stroked her hair and back.

"Tessa, the past is in the past, okay? I'm here for you. Just calm down, Tess. Please. Everything is going to be okay," he said in a soothing voice. Tessa started to calm down but she was still shaken by the nightmare. She hugged Will and he hugged her back.

"Thank you, Will. For being here for me," she said quietly. He kissed her forehead and smiled.

"I'll always be here for you," he muttered. Tessa smiled against his chest and slowly started drifting off to sleep.

* * *

They woke up in a slightly embarrassing position. Tessa was laying on top of Will and their legs were entwined. Tessa blushed as she rolled off of Will. And obviously being the jerk that he was he smirked at her.

"Did you not enjoy laying on top of me, Tess?" he teased her. She blushed even more.

"No as a matter of fact it was quite uncomfortable," she retorted even though she was blushing like crazy.

"Mhmmm sure. Whatever you say. Although I must admit it, I didn't mind really considering that you were pressed up against me," he laughed, his voice still husky with sleep. He looked over at Tessa and winked to which she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Very mature, Tessa. But I think right now we should go and eat breakfast," he suggested and Tessa nodded along. They climbed out of bed and then quietly crept out of Tessa's room. When they walked into the kitchen everyone was already there. Well except for Charlotte, Henry and Gabriel. They must have still been at the hospital. Sophie was making pancakes and everyone else was sitting at the table. Tessa sat beside Cecily and Will sat beside Jem.

"Hey, Cecy. Have you heard any news about Gabriel?" Tessa asked softly. Cecily nodded and a tear rolled down her cheek. Tessa took that as a bad sign.

"Yeah," she breathed out,"he didn't survive the night." Tessa bowed her head down. This would be hard on Gideon the most. Gabriel believed that their father wasn't that bad but Gideon knew the truth. It took forever to get Gabriel to live with the Branwells and once he did, he wasn't very happy. It was for the best but he didn't seem to realize it. He became depressed and so he then committed suicide.

"He...He left a note but I couldn't read it. I'm not ready yet," Cecily cried. Tessa hugged her, knowing what it was like to lose somebody you cared for. Then Sophie came over and put a big plate of pancakes on the table.

"Oh my God, Sophie. I hope that they are gluten free because I'm on this diet and I'm not allowed to eat gluten. So these better be gluten free or you will regret coming to this house," Jessamine said in her snobby British accent. Sure they all had British accents (except for Tessa) But Jessamines was the worst. She just sounded so snobby. Sophie just rolled her eyes at Jessamine. Everybody took a pancake but nobody was really hungry so they all just pecked at it. Afterwards everyone just went back to their rooms. Except for Tessa, Cecily and Sophie. They went on a walk to the park. It was quite early in the morning so there weren't many people around but that didn't bother them. Then they sat on a bench and talked. Cecily took out a piece of paper out of her pocket.

"This is the note that Gabriel wrote before he...you know," Cecily explained. She opened it up and started reading.

_"Dear Cecily, (because I hope that it's you who finds this note)_

_I overheard when you were talking to Tessa. I know that you don't love me anymore. Although I still love you dearly, it seems that we are not meant to be. So I'm going to make this easier for you. I mean I'll make it easier for you to be with Jem. I respect your choice but I just don't think I can watch you be with somebody else. I promise you, this is for the best. I'm sorry for hurting you this way, But it is the only way. One day, hopefully, I'll see you again but for now I'll be watching over you from a better place. I hope that you find true happiness with Jem. I'll always be with you, in your heart. Please also tell Sophie to help Gideon. I saw the way he looked at her when she was not looking and vice versa. They need each other. But nobody needs me. Remember Cecy, I love you. Please don't blame yourself. It is not your fault for loving somebody else. I'm sorry. 'Then leaf subsides to leaf/So Eden sank to grief/So dawn goes down to day/Nothing gold can stay.'_

_With Love, _

_Gabriel."_

When she finished reading it she was in tears. So was Tessa and Sophie. They weren't that close to Gabriel but it still hurt. It always does when somebody you have know for a long time passes away. But a flame that burned that bright was not meant to last.

"This is all my fault," sobbed Cecy. Both Tessa and Sophie hugged her.

"No it's not Cecy. You saw what he wrote. Some people are angels that want to go home. Gabriel was one of those angels. He just wanted to go home," Tessa explained to Cecy. She nodded a bit.

"Cecily, none of this is your fault. You can't control what your heart wants. All of us are here for you, so if you ever need to speak to us, we are here for you. It's okay to not be okay. Let your smile change the world, but don't let the world change your smile, Cecy. Remember that," Sophie reassured her.

"I'm so glad I have such great friends. I love you guys," Cecily sobbed.

"We love you too," Sophie said and Tessa nodded. Then they walked back home.

* * *

Charlotte and Henry were already home. They called everyone into the living room, and everyone huddled in.

"Gabriel's funeral will be on Saturday. I expect you all to be there," Charlotte said in a stern yet quiet voice. She was obviously grieving, as was everyone else. _So dawn goes down to day/Nothing gold can stay._

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_**So did you like it? Did you hate it? Tell me in the reviews. Also I put in a couple of quotes from books. The quote in the italics at the end of the chapter is not mine, it is a quote from a poem by Robert Frost And the whole poem is:**_

_**Nature's first green is gold**_

_**Her hardest hue to hold**_

_**Her early leaf's a flower**_

_**But only so an hour**_

_**Then leaf subsides to leaf**_

_**So Eden sank to grief**_

_**So dawn goes down to day**_

_**Nothing gold can stay.**_

_**So that's it. Love you xoxox**_


	6. Nobody Gets The Concept of Being Alone

_**HELLO FELLOW SHADOWHUNTERS! So I was thinking and I've decided to put my other stories on hiatus until I finish this story and then next I'm going to write Where Are The Colours?, then Back All Fabulous and then Tangled (I just adopted it from a fellow internet friend. P.S she's called EmeraldCityWizard so go check out her fanfics!)**_

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_**Cecily's P.O.V**_

Cecily picked out a black dress. It was strapless with a heart neckline. It hugged her body until her waist and then flowed around her knees. She put on black wedges to match the dress. Black. Such a sad colour. People always think of black as such a bad and evil colour although in ancient Egypt black was good and red was bad. She applied some mascara to her eyelashes and then put on some pink lip-gloss.

"Cecily! Hurry up!" shouted Charlotte from outside her door. Cecily hurried over to the door.

"Coming!" she shouted back. She put on her neutral face and walked out.

* * *

When they got to the graveyard everyone went quiet. This was it. They were burrying a teenager. Nothing was sadder than that. They all gathered around the grave as they lowered the coffin into the ground. Cecily sniffled a bit and her eyes watered. Jem put an arm around her shoulders and she sobbed into his shoulder.

"It's all my fault..." she mumbled. Jem shook his head.

"Cecy. It was not your fault. I don't understand why you say that," he whispered. Of course he didn't know that she liked him. Boys are so oblivious. She wanted to tell him but what if he didn't like her back? Wouldn't it ruin their friendship? He was also his brothers best friend so that would have been awkward.

"Oh it is, Jem. He heard me say...something that made him sad. Oh Jem, it really is my fault!" she cried. Will looked over at her with worry clear on his face. Cecily just gave him a weak smile. She looked around. Sophie was holding Gideon's hand and whispering something in his ear. Gideon looked slightly happier when she finished whatever she was saying. Jessamine didn't even look sad she just stood there, awkwardly, trying to look like she cared. But she didn't. Tessa and Will were standing together. Tessa was leaning her head on Wills shoulder and she had her eyes closed. Will looked at her with fondness in his eyes. Cecily realized something at that moment. Will liked Tessa! Then she continued looking around. Henry and Charlotte were standing together, holding hands. Charlotte was crying and Henry looked rather upset. There were a couple of other people, some friends from school, some teachers, but none of then seemed that sad really. They probably just went out of pity.

When they got home, Cecy took Will by the hand and dragged him into her room.

"Sit," she ordered him. He looked at her weirdly but then sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Oh brother...my dear brother. Do you think I'm blind?" she asked. He looked at her confused.

"What do you mean?" he inquired. She looked him straight in the eye.

"I know that you like Tessa. I saw the way you look at her," Cecy explained. Will looked a bit shocked but then quickly but up his walls.

"Cecily, you are delusional. Of course I like Tessa, she's my friend, but I don't like her in the way that you think I do," he said. She rolled her eyes.

"Of course you would deny it. But I'm watching you, remember that. Now go away, I want to be alone," she told him. That time it was Wills turn to roll his eyes but then he left the room. Cecily sighed when he walked out. He didn't close the door. She kicked off her wedges then closed the door. She then changed into pyjamas and climbed into bed. She pulled out her laptop from under her bed and looked through Netflix looking for a comedy. Finally after searching for about 10 minutes she found what she was looking for. White Chicks. The movie definitely cheered her up. After she finished watching she put the laptop away and fell asleep.

* * *

Cecily sharply opened her eyes when she heard banging on her door.

"Who is it?" she shouted. The banging stopped.

"It's me, your dear brother," Will sung from outside the door.

"GO AWAY ITS ONLY," she checked her phone to see what time it was,"6AM!? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING GWILYM OWAIN HERONDALE WAKING ME UP THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING! ON A SUNDAY NONETHELESS! *MYND I FFWRDD I CHI AST! NAD OES UNRHYW UN YN CAEL EI GANIATÁU I FY NEFFRO HYN YN GYNNAR! YN ENWEDIG NID AR DDYDD SUL! YN MNYD I FFWRDD, NEU BYDD I EICH LLADD!" And even though she screamed at him like that he still walked into her room. He probably instantly regretted his choice as he got pelted with millions of pillows from Cecy's bed.

"Jesus Christ woman, fine! I'm going, I'm going! WHERE ARE YOU GETTING ALL THESE PILLOWS FROM?! I just wanted to check that you're okay! That's my duty as your amazing big brother!" Will said. Cecily, not being a morning person at all, flipped him off and with a scowl, he left. She went to pick up her pillows but then just layed down on them and fell asleep.

* * *

Yet again, She woke up to knocking on her door. Groggyily she asked,"who is it?" In came, Tessa and Sophie.

"Are you okay Cecy? Wait a second, why are you asleep on the floor? And what are all those pillows doing there?" Sophie asked. Cecily was momentarily confused but then looked down and noticed that she was in fact asleep on a mountain of pillows. She looked back up and smiled sweetly.

"I'm okay. I'm sleeping on these pillows because William came in at 6am to check if I'm okay but I'm not a morning person so I threw pillows at him and kind of shouted at him but then when I went to pick up the pillows once he left, I simply couldn't be bothered so I played down on then and fell asleep," Cecy explained. Tessa nodded and smiled.

"That's good that you're doing okay. We're going down to breakfast now and we were wondering if you wanted to come with us?" Tessa asked. Cecy looked down and frowned slightly.

"I'm not very hungry right now so I must decline your offer. Thanks for asking though," Cecily answered. Sophie and Tessa nodded their heads.

"That's okay, Cecy. See you later then!" Sophie exclaimed. Then the girls left and Cecy was left alone again. She then crawled back into her bed and fell into the black void aka sleep.

* * *

Cecily jumped out of bed and stomped angrily towards the door and then threw it open. Outside was a scared looking Gideon.

"What do you people want from me today? Do none of you understand the concept of being alone?" she cried out in frustration. Gideon looked slightly surprised but then his face went back to that look of calmness he usually has on.

"I'm sorry Cecy. It seems that everyone else has visited you already today. I just wanted to see if you're okay. I know that his death had a big impact on you, almost as big of an impact as it had on me. I don't blame you for wanting to be alone but just remember that you can always talk to any of us if you need to. Maybe not Jessamine because she's usually in a rather foul mood," he said quietly. Cecy sighed.

"Thanks for asking Gid, but really .fine. Is it so hard to understand that I just need some time alone to think things over?" she rambled. Gideon nodded his head.

"Take care then, Cecy," he said as he left. She slowly waved at him. She was about to close the door when somebody put their foot in between the gap between the door and door frame. She opened the door and a boy with silver hair smiled down at her.

"How are you doing, Cecy? Can I come in?" Jem asked her. She nodded her head and opened the door so that he could come in. He walked in and sat down on one of the bean bags in her room. Suddenly she realized that she was still in her anime pyjamas. There were little anime characters all over the pyjamas. She blushed and quickly went to put a robe on. Finally she sat down on the bean bag beside Jem.

"So, James, why did you come to my room?" she asked but soon after realized how harsh she must've sounded," I'm sorry that sounded really harsh." Jem smiled at her and her insides warmed up_. He looks so cute with his bedhead _she thought to herself.

"I came here because yesterday when you were coming up the stairs you dropped a little piece of paper and I wanted to give it back to you but I realized that you must have been tired so I decided to give it back today. Also I'm very sorry but I was rather curious what it was and I opened it up and saw my name so I read it. I'm sorry Cecy that I did that, I know I shouldn't have but it sparked my curiosity," he explained, handing her over the note that Gabriel left before he committed suicide. Cecily blushed, in that note it says that Cecily is in love with Jem. He read that. He knows. He knows. He knows.

"Jem I'm so sorry-" she started but got cut off when Jem pressed his lips to hers. When he pulled away she blinked in confusion.

"What...?" she asked confused. She observed as Jems cheeks turned a bright pink.

"I'm sorry Cecy. That is not what a proper young man should act like but I've just liked you for so long but you were with Gabriel so I thought that you would never love me back. Now I feel guilty because it is also my fault that Gabriel died And now I'm making a move on his girlfriend. That is not what I should be acting like. I should have at least brought you on a date before I kissed you," Jem explained himself quickly, slightly stumbling over his words. Cecily giggled and he looked at her surprised.

"Why are you laughing? Did I do something wrong?" he asked, looking very innocent.

"No, silly! You didn't do anything wrong, you just rambled on and just looked so cute!" she laughed while squishing his face between her hands.

"You're just so adorable, like a little puppy," she exclaims happily, momentarily forgetting about her sorrow and grief. He looked at her and if anyone was watching they would be able to see the fondness in his eyes.

"Well then, Cecily, I ought to ask you out then. Will you be my girlfriend?" Jem asked nervously. Cecily nodded and kissed him on the cheek.

"Of course I'll be your girlfriend. That's what Gabriel would want. For me to be happy," she answered. Jem smiled at her and she smiled at him.

"Well we ought to go and eat breakfast now. It is 11am afterall. Shall we?" he asked, getting up and holding a hand out to her.

She took the hand and answered, "We shall."

* * *

_***translation: go away you bitch! No one is allowed to wake me up this early! Especially not on a Sunday! Go away, or I will kill you!**_

_**Sorry if the Welsh isn't accurate but i used google translate.**_

_**Well I thought think that that was a good ending to this chapter! So what do you think? Love it? Hate it? Tell me in the reviews! What do you think about the Jem×Cecily ship? Do you think they're gonna last? This was a filler chapter so not that much happened. Also sorry if there are any grammar mistakes but I am too lazy to check over it as I write this at 1am And I am very sleep deprived since I have been watching anime during the nights recently. So yeah thank you for reading! Please leave a review it means a lot!**_

_**Love yah people xoxox**_


	7. How Did It Happen?

_**Hello so yeah I'll probably be updating this story once a month from now on. I remember I used to update like 2 or 3 times a week (not this story tho) and now I'm like yeah I'll update once a month. So yeah let's get onto the story. By the way prepare yourself because this chapter is gonna be Cray Cray. I don't Why I said Cray Cray. I hate that word but anyway onto the story **_

_**TRIGGER WARNING: YAH KNOW THE USUAL. CUTTING. EATING DISORDER. GENERAL SADNESS. DEPRESSION. ALL THAT SHIZ.**_

* * *

_**T.P.O.V**_

Tessa sat on the floor of the bathroom, confused. Her period was late, which was hella weird for her because usually he got her period on the same day of every month. Hell, she usually got it at the same **time**. But not that day. That day her period was late. And Tessa was confused as to why considering she didn't remember having a one-night stand without protection. She hadn't even **had **a one-night stand in the last month. So there was no way that she could be pregnant. Suddenly there was a knock on the door to her bathroom.

"Tess, are you okay? You said that you would be back soon and you still haven't come back, after 10 minutes," said a masculine voice from outside the door.

"I'm fine. Just not feeling very well, that's it," she answered. Then she got up and walked out of the bathroom. Will looked at her, suspicious. He put an arm in front of her so that he couldn't leave her room yet.

"Come here and show me your wrists," he demanded. She quirked up an eyebrow, seemingly confused but in reality her heart was pounding. _Does he know that I cut? How would he even know? I never cut when there's someone in the house, _she thought.

"Why?" she asked innocently. Will quickly took her worst in an iron grip and surveyed it. There were thing, white lines going across it but there was nothing fresh. Will released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in.

"Because I know that you cut and I was worried you were in there, cutting your wrists," he confessed. Tessa glared at him.

"How do you know?" she demanded. She sounded furious and Will suddenly got a feeling that he shouldn't have told her that he knew.

"Well there was that one time that I came home from school early and I saw you hiding your razor, which by the way I'll be taking from you," he explained. Tessa sent him another death glare, and if looks could kill he would be dead.

"You will not take one of my only sources of happiness. You can't control what I do. Even if you will take it from me I'll go and buy myself another one," she threatened. Will sighed.

"Don't you see that I'm doing this for your own good, Tess?" he asked her. She shook her head.

"You don't understand, Will," she said. He raised his eyebrow.

"I don't? Well that's not what my wrist says," he retorted. Tessa quickly took his wrist in her hand and stared at it. Sure enough there were thin scars zig-zagging his wrist.

"You...You don't cut anymore do you?" she inquired. He shook his head.

"Jem stopped me. If he hadn't...I don't know if I'd even be alive today. But I'm glad I am because now I can help you the way Jem helped me," he answered. A tear escaped from Tessa's eye. Nobody had ever been that kind to her after her family had died, except for Sophie, Cecily, Charlotte and Jem.

"Thank you," she whispered. Then she took out her razor but decided it wasn't a good idea to give it to Will. What if he started cutting again? Wouldn't it be her fault then?

"Will. I'm not going to give it to you. I'm scared you will start cutting again. I'm going to give this to Charlotte," Tessa told him. He nodded and went with her to find Charlotte. They found her in the kitchen, making dinner.

"Charlotte, could you do something for me?" Tessa asked. Charlotte smiled at her.

"Of course, dear. What can I do for you?" she answered. Tessa held out her razor and Charlotte's eyes widened.

"I need you to take this from me. Will wanted to take it but I was too scared that he'll start cutting again so I simply couldn't give him it. I would really appreciate it if you could hide this," Tessa explained. Charlotte smiled sadly.

"Of course, honey. I just wish you hadn't cut in the first place," Charlotte said, taking the razor out of Tessa's hand. Tessa was a but reluctant at first but then gave in, deciding that it was for the best.

* * *

Tessa pushed her food around her plate. It wasn't that she was hungry because, God she was. She just couldn't eat. She wouldn't let herself eat. She was fat as it was so she had to lose weight. She just had to.

"Tessa why aren't you eating?" asked Charlotte. Everybody around the table looked at Tessa and she blushed.

"I'm just not feeling all that well," Tessa lied. Well she didn't lie completely. Her stomach was feeling rather upset. Charlotte nodded.

"Then it's best you go and rest. I'll keep your dinner in the fridge so that if you're hungry you can reheat it," Charlotte said, smiling. Tessa nodded and then left to go up to her bathroom, to throw up what she had eaten.

After Tessa threw up what she had, brushed her teeth and showered she felt the strong urge to cut but she didn't have her razor anymore. She still had her shaving razor though and that would work just as well. She looked around for it but when she found it she felt repulsed by what she wanted to do. She knew she shouldn't be cutting after she told Will that she would stop. She broke down crying on the floor. She couldn't do it to Will. He was trying to help her and she was throwing that away. Suddenly she was engulfed in warm arms.

"Why are you crying, Tess. I could hear you all the way from my room," He exaggerated.

"Will your room is just down the hall from mine," Tessa pointed out between sobs.

"That's besides the point, Tess. Why are you crying?" he asked again. Tessa shook her head. She was so weak. She was crying in front of someone. She was throwing away the help that she needed. She was weak

"Because...I need to cut but I don't have my razor anymore. I'm so weak. I'm so fucking weak. I can't even last a day without cutting. What a miserable creature I have become," she cried. Will picked her up and brought her into her room. He laid down beside her on the bed and stroked her back, trying to soothe her.

"You're not weak, Tess. I know that it's hard at first, but in the end its totally worth it," Will whispered soothingly. Tessa nodded against his chest.

"I know that it's worth it but I didn't even realize I had become addicted to it. I'm just as bad as drug addicts. It was ruining my life just the way drugs do. I've practically thrown my life away." she sobbed.

"Let's hope Jem didn't hear that. His grandfather who he was really close with was an addict. That's why Jem has silver hair and eyes. The drugs mutated something in his grandfather's genes and ever since that the Carstairs family have silver hair and eyes," Will whispered. Tessa gasped. She had always wondered why his hair and eyes were silver but she had never asked him, deeming it rude.

"Poor Jem. I can't imagine what that must have been like," Tessa whispered back. Silence ensued and after a while both of them fell asleep.

* * *

Tessa woke up quite early the next morning. She felt very nauseous so she peeled Will'swarms off her and went into the bathroom. She threw up in the bathroom what she hadn't thrown up the night before. _Must be a stomach bug. But can a stomach bug make my period late? _She wondered to herself as she flushed the toilet. She walked into her room and got her MacBook out. She searched the internet if a stomach bug could make her period late. She found nothing that was helpful at all. After about an hour of searching she got up to eat some breakfast. She made herself one piece of toast. That's all she was going to eat. Will walked in as she was eating her piece of toast.

"I'm not a doctor or anything but I'm pretty sure you should be eating more than one piece of toast for breakfast," Will noticed. He looked in the fridge for something to eat and saw that Tessa's dinner was still in there.

"Tessa why haven't you even ate any of your dinner from last night?" Will questioned her.

"I'm not really that hungry," she answered. She finished eating her breakfast and went to get dressed. She was going to go to the pharmacy and ask there.

"I'm going out!" she yelled before leaving.

* * *

"Miss, are you sure you aren't pregnant? Have you taken a pregnancy test?" the pharmacist asked Tessa. Tessa shook her head. There was no way in hell that she was pregnant.

"I haven't taken a pregnancy test but I'm sure that I' pregnant! I don't remember having sex with anyone in the past month!" Tessa explained. Still, the pharmacist slid her a pregnancy test.

"I would use this if I were you, Miss. Maybe you're not even pregnant but it would be better if you would at least take the test. Just to make sure," the pharmacist insisted. After some more convincing, Tessa paid for the test and went into the bathroom to use it.

* * *

Tessa came out of the bathroom shell-shocked. How did it happen? When did she get pregnant? Then it dawned on her. It must have been that memory that she forgot thanks to her Lacunar Amnesia. But then who was the father? Did she really have to take care of this baby alone? Tessa muttered a quick thank you to the pharmacist before heading out. Maybe she could get an abortion? No. That wasn't even an option for Tessa. She knew she couldn't do that to her baby. She didn't know who the father was but she **had **to give birth to this baby. Her friends would definitely support her. Charlotte would help her as well. Maybe everything could be okay?

Tessa decided that she would tell everyone at dinner that night. Tessa fiddled with her hands as everybody ate.

"I...I need to announce something," Tessa started. Everybody looked up at her. Tessa continued fiddling with her hands. This was hard. Really hard.

"I...I learnt some shocking news today. So I've figured out what memory I have forgotten. I mean I don't remember the memory but I know what it was about. I forgot that I had a one-night stand and...and now...I'm pregnant," she announced. Everybody dropped their forks. Tessa? The innocent Tessa had a **one-night stand**? Charlotte stared at Tessa, astonished.

"Tessa do you at least know who the father is?" Charlotte asked. Tessa shook her head. Nearly every one face palmed. Tessa blushed and left the room. She wasn't feeling too well. She went into her room and sat on her bed. What was she supposed to do? There was a knock on her door. Tessa got up and opened it. It was Will. She leaned against the door and sighed.

"What do you want, Will?" she asked. Will looked very serious.

"We need to talk," he said sternly. Tessa raised an eyebrow before letting him in. She closed the door behind him and then went to sit down beside Will who had sat on the sofa. He avoided her eyes for a long time before he finally found the courage to look at her eyes. Tessa was not prepared to see fear of all things in his eyes.

"What is it, Will?" she asked, suddenly concerned. Will sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"I better get straight to the point. I think that...I'm the father of that child," Will explained. Tessa stood up astonished. How could Will of all people be the father of her child? Then she remembered how tired he looked at breakfast the next day.

"How...?" she asked.

"Well you and I were at the same club and I was looking for some fun. I didn't realize that it was actually you until you were walking out of the room and I had asked what the girls name was. And she said Tessa. Now not a lot of girls are called Tessa and I don't think there's anybody called that here. So I've come to the conclusion that it was you. And now you're pregnant. With my child," Will explained. Suddenly the memories flooded in. Tessa grinding on a boy. The gleam of blue in the boys eye. Her pulling him into a back room. Her saying her name before leaving. She remembered all of it. She had remembered what she had forgotten because of the amnesia. That's when Tessa passed out.

* * *

_**Woohoo! So now we know that Will was the guy who Tessa danced with all the way back in chapter 1. A lot has happened since then. So what do you think? Love it? Hate it? Tell me in the reviews! Also sorry for any mistakes but I'm too lazy to proof read right now. Also I'd say I'm sorry for that cliffhanger but I'm not because I love writing cliffhangers. NATALIA-CHAN OUT!**_

_**Love yah xoxox.**_


	8. You Don't Hate Me?

_**Hey guys! I know that it has been over a month since I last updated but my mum took my tablet and I write on my tablet but we got a laptop so now I can write on it. This story will soon be over, maybe 3 chapters left? I don't even know. P.S sorry if this is not making much sense but I do have a concussion...**_

_**TRIGGER WARNING: YOU KNOW THE USUAL. CUTTING? SUICIDE? EATING DISORDER?**_

* * *

Tessa woke up in a sterile white room. Where was she you ask? The hospital. After she fainted, Will had called an ambulance and it took her away. A pretty nurse walked into the room.

"Hello, Ms. Gray! I am your nurse. My name is Camille Belcourt," said the nurse with the long blonde hair, and green eyes, and skin as pale as a porcelain dolls'. Camille checked up on her vitals and then left, before coming back with a glass of water.

"I imagine that you would be thirsty, after being out for so long," Camille said. Tessa cleared her throat. She really was thirsty. But something Camille had said grabbed her attention. How long had she been out for?

"Wait. How long was I out for?" Tessa asked while taking the glass from Camille.

"3 months," she replied. Tessa gasped. How was that even possible? She could swear that she had only been out for maybe a couple of hours, but 3 months? No, that was impossible.

"And how's the baby?" Tessa inquired. Camille raised one perfect, blonde brow.

"I am surprised that you actually remember," Camille answered, surprised.

"Well how could you expect me to forget something so important?" Tessa asked, appaled. Camille smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. She seemed cold. Distant.

"Your baby is okay. You are 4 months into the pregnancy so you are showing a bit." Tessa looked down at her stomach and sure enough there was a small bump there. She didn't know how to feel about it. On the one hand it was pretty amazing that there was a little human growing inside of her, but then on the other hand its father was Will, her best friend.

"Can I see my family?" Tessa pleaded. Camille nodded curtly.

"I will call, Charlotte. She is quite possibly at work now but she will definitely come as soon as she can," explained Camille. Tessa nodded. Camille left the room and Tessa just sat and waited, not able to concentrate on anything other than her thoughts. What did Will think of her? He knew that she had been having one night stands. He must have thought that she was a whore or something. He must have hated her, right? A couple of minutes later a boy with raven black hair came barging into her room.

"Tess! They called Charlotte and said that you are awake!" Will exclaimed happily. Tessa laughed as he came over and hugged her.

"I really missed you, Tess. I bet you, you missed my incredibly good looks," he teased. Tessa shook her head. He was such an adorable dork.

"Do you not hate me?" she asked. Will looked at her, clearly astonished.

"Why would I ever hate you, Tess?" he asked softly. She looked away.

"Well you must think that I am a whore or something, right? I mean I had a one-night stand and now I'm pregnant and at first I didn't even know who the father was. You must hate me for being a whore," she whispered. Will rolled his eyes at her.

"Tess, what do you think this is? The 19th century? You're not a whore! Who even uses words like that anymore?" Wil laughed. Tessa let out a breathe, she was so relieved.

"Okay but what do we do about the whole pregnancy thing? I mean you are the father but I can't imagine being anything more than friends with you, Will." Hurt flashed through his eyes but then he concealed it behind his walls. If she didn't want to be anything more than friends, he couldn't push it on her. However he may feel about her, he didn't want to ruin their friendship.

"I don't know, Tess. I guess we just stay friends? But then how would we tell him or her when they're older about what happened? I don't know Tess, but what I do know is that I don't want to push a relationship onto you. Unless you feel the same way about me as I do about you?" Will asked, hope clear in his eyes.

"I-I don't know, Will. You need to give me some time to think about this. I just don't wanna ruin the friendship that we have you know? You understand me don't you?"

"Of course I understand you, Tess. I don't want to have a relationship if it's not real. But our friendship is real and that is all that matters," Will said. Tessa smiled at him. How could she have ever thought that he would hate her? He would help her get through this.

* * *

**_1 month later_**

"Tessa! Get the movie ready! I'm gonna make the popcorn!" Will shouted at her. Everyone was gathered in the living room for a movie night. Sophie was cuddled up to Gideon, Cecily had her head in Jem's lap and her legs in Charlotte's. Jessamine was sulking in the emo corner and Henry was probably in his lab, inventing something crazy. Tessa was looking through all the DVD's that they had. _Home Alone? Nah they always watched that at Christmas and it was March. Legally Blonde? HELL YES!_

"Guys, we're watching Legally Blonde aka the best movie ever made," Tessa shouted. There were some groans from the boys but Cecily and Sophie took care of that by slapping them on their heads. Will came in with two bowls of popcorn. He sat down beside Tessa and she snuggled into his side. Maybe they weren't together, but that did not mean that they couldn't cuddle. Will fell asleep during the movie and his head was on top of Tessa's. When the movie ended Tessa tried to shake him awake.

"Will! Wake up the movie is over!" she whisper-shouted at him. He opened one blue eye and the then other.

"I'm going to sleep," she declared while getting up.

"Can I come with you?" Will asked. Tessa rolled her eyes at his puppy dog face.

"Whatever," she muttered. As they left the room all you could hear was Cecy and Sophie muttering something about ships.

* * *

_**Sorry that this chapter is so shitty but as I mentioned before, I do have a concussion. How did that happen you ask? Well in P.E we were playing gaelic football and a boy kicked a ball and it wacked me in the head really hard. I even got to go home from school early. Anyway enough about me. What did you guys think about this chapter? Tell me in the reviews! NATALIA-CHAN OUT! *disappears behind a glittery smoke cloud***_

**_Love yah xoxox_**


	9. It's Okay

_**Hey guys! Sorry for not updating sooner but I've been going through a rough time. Also school is such a pain in the ass. Anyway So this chapter is just gonna be a bunch of fluff that happens while Tessa is preggers. My dog is sleeping beside me as I write this. That's just a random piece of information I thought you guys would like to know. He's a Yorkshire Terrier and his name is Mikado. I think I'm just procrastinating now. Also, again, I'm extremely sorry that this update is so late but I had writers block and I just didn't feel this story anymore. But I'm back on track and I will try to update at least one a week. Also I've decided that this story isn't gonna be over quite so soon, and I am so excited about writing this again!**_

_**IM NOT SURE IF I SHOULD PUT TRIGGER WARNING ON TOP OF THIS BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING WITH THIS CHAPTER! OKAY NOW THAT IVE WRITTEN SOME OF THIS CHAPTER HERE OS THE TRIGGER WARNING! PANIC ATTACKS WILL BE IN THIS CHAPTER!**_

* * *

_**1 month after the movie thing that happened last chapter. 5 months into the pregnancy I think?**_

Tessa found out that being pregnant is not that easy. She always thought that it couldn't be that bad. She was wrong. Terribly wrong. Backaches happen 24/7. Having a big stomach was really problematic.

She sighed as she got out of bed. Today was going to be a loooooong day. Cecily decided she wanted to meet up with her cousins; Isabelle, Alec, Max, and Jace. Will protested. A lot. But finally he gave in after Tessa scolded him for being such an asshole towards his sister. She had heard about their cousins before, but had never actually met them. Apparently Jace and Will were really alike. Not in looks but in personality.

As she got dressed she thought about how Jace, Isabelle, Alex, and Max were going to treat her. I mean she was pregnant with their cousin that she's not even dating. Tessa sighed. She just hoped that they wouldn't be too harsh.

Why was Tessa even going, you ask? Well Will said that he wouldn't go if Tessa didn't go because he didn't want to suffer alone. Yeah, Cecy would be with him but she wouldn't be suffering. Plus Cecy decided that meeting their family was a good idea since, well, there was gonna be a baby arriving soon.

Tessa walked out of her room. She was starving. That was another thing about being pregnant. She was constantly hungry. But not just the "oh I'm a bit hungry" type of hungry, it was the "oh my God I just ate two 18" pizzas and the boxes and I'm still hungry" type of hungry. As she cooked herself pancakes ("heavenly shit" is what Will calls them) Cecy came downstairs.

"Oooo Tessie, are you making your amazing pancakes? Can I have some?" Cecy pleaded with her puppy dog eyes. Tessa smiled at her.

"Of course you can. Eat them quickly before Will sniffs them out and eats them all," she laughed. But just then they heard a door being slammed open.

"DO I SMELL TESSA'S PANCAKES! THATS SOME HEAVENLY SHIT! OH MY GOOOOD TESSA SAVE ME SOME OF THEM," Will yelled. Cecily quickly grabbed her plate and ran out of the kitchen. Loud footsteps could be heard running down the stairs. Will threw the door open, his hair was wild as if he had just gotten woken up. When he saw that there were no pancakes left for him he fell to the ground dramatically.

"What devil arrived here before me and stole my precious pancakes?" he cried out. Tessa watched him with thinly veiled amusement.

"IT WAS MY DEVIL SISTER WASNT IT? TESSA WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!" Will shouted. Tessa finished eating her last pancake. Charlotte slowly walked into the kitchen, scared of what was happening inside.

"What's all the yelling about? You can hear it all the way at the other side of the house," Charlotte asked, concerned. Will was fake crying on the floor.

"Tessa didn't save me any of her amazing pancakes," he fake-sobbed. Charlotte rolled her eyes and walked out of the kitchen. Tessa giggled at him and he stood up and walked over to her.

"You're hiding something," he accused her while narrowing his eyes. Tessa pulled out the plate of pancakes from behind her. Will gasped and jumped back.

"YOU EVIL HUMAN BEING! HOW **DARE **YOU HIDE THEM! WHAT KIND OF MOSTER _ARE _YOU THERESA GRAY?!" Will shouted while snatching away the plate. Tessa laughed, doubling over as her stomach started hurting from laughing so much. She was laughing so hard she went to sit down on a chair but instead fell onto the floor. Will rolled his eyes but concern flashed on his face.

"Tessa watch out you're going to hurt yourself or the baby," Will said. Tessa wiped tears out of her eyes and pulled herself up on the chair.

"Calm down Will, I'm okay. Now eat those pancakes before they get cold," Tessa giggled. Will sat down beside her and ate his pancakes while muttering something that sounded like "this is some heavenly shit". After that he went to get changed and Tessa watched the tv. Cecy came back into the kitchen with her empty plate.

"Will's reaction was priceless," Cecy laughed while washing her plate. She was already dressed and ready to go. Now they were just waiting for Will. 10 minutes passed. 20 minutes passed.

"WILL HURRY UP! WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!" Cecy shouted. Will finally came downstairs.

"Calm down, Cecy! I'm ready, let's go," Will said, as if it wasn't him that was taking forever to get ready.

* * *

They met up with Jace, Alec, Isabelle, and Max at the park. There were 3 other people there as well though. One had bright red hair, the other one had big nerdy glasses, and the last person was well...very sparkly.

"Hello. My name is Tessa. Nice to meet you," Tessa introduced herself politely. So it came out that the ginger haired girl was Jace's girlfriend, Clary. The guy with the nerdy glasses was Simon, Isabelle's boyfriend. And the very sparkly dude was Magnus, Alec's boyfriend.

"So Tessa you're pregnant with Will. But you guys aren't together so how did that happen?" asked Izzy. Tessa gasped and stared at her wide-eyed.

"Oh my God, Izzy. You can't just ask people how they got pregnant without being in a relationship," Alec exclaimed, horrified. Tessa gulped. Her chest got tighter. Breathing got harder. She gasped for air and started hyperventilating. The world started spinning. She could hear voices but they weren't making sense. All that she could hear was the blood rushing in her ears. Unrelenting panic had an iron grip on her heart. Tears started pouring down her cheeks. Izzy hated her. They all definitely hated her. She felt arms wrap around her and press her face into something hard. She heard a soft voice whispering her name.

"It's gonna be okay," repeated the voice. Over and over again. Tessa calmed down a bit after a while. her chest got a little lighter, breathing got a little easier. Bit by bit, she calmed down. She noticed that they weren't at the park anymore.

"Where are we?" she cloaked out.

"Home," somebody answered. Tessa nodded.

"Thanks for calming me down, Will. I appreciate it," she mumbled against his chest. He kissed the top of her head.

"No problem."

_It's okay._

* * *

_**So I wasn't planning on making this chapter like that but oh well. Next chapter is gonna be the rest of her pregnancy probably. I'm gonna try to update this story again next Saturday. I hope you guys like it. Love it? Hate it? Tell me in the reviews! NATALIA-CHAN OUT! *disappears behind sparkly puff of smoke***_

_**Love yah xoxox**_


	10. Little Baby Herondale

_**So I'm writing this on the 15th of November but I'm probably not gonna finish it today. Btw guys on the 1st of November it WAS MY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY ON ! WOOOO! I completely forgot about it which made me cry. Anyway I think I'll post this chapter before Friday so that's a little reward for me, because I've been on this website for over a year and I've gotten so much better at writing and I'm so grateful. Anyway onto the story.**_

_**I DONT THINK I NEED A TRIGGER WARNING ON TOP OF THIS CHAPTER BUT YOU NEVER KNOW! SO TRIGGER WARNING: DEPRESSION! SELF HARM! OTHER STUFF THAT IDK IF ILL INCLUDE!**_

* * *

_**1 month later (that's like what 6 months into the pregnancy?)**_

Tessa woke up Will. It was 4am and she had an awful nightmare.

"Will? Can I sleep with you?" she mumbled. Will groaned but moved over on the bed. Tessa crawled in beside him, her back to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and fell back asleep. But Tessa couldn't. Lately she had been constantly having nightmares. She hadn't slept properly in about a week. But Will didn't know. Nobody knew. Shortly after that Tessa fell into a dreamless slumber.

Will woke up at noon. Tessa was snuggled up beside him. There was a peaceful expression on her face. He watched her as she awoke.

"Will," she mumbled. Tessa turned around to face Will.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Can I sleep with you from now on?" she inquired. Will looked at her weirdly.

"Why?" he wondered. Tessa blushed and hid her face in her hands.

"I've been having nightmares lately but when I sleep with you I feel safe and I didn't get a nightmare. I mean it's okay if you don't want me to, I was just wondering," Tessa muttered. Will smiled at her and hugged her.

"Of course you can sleep with me, Tess. I don't mind at all," he whispered. She looked up at him and smiled, and in that moment Will's heart melted. He bent his head and kissed her forehead. Will really loved Tessa. And Tessa really loved him, but she wasn't ready to tell him that yet.

* * *

_**And a month after that! (about 7 months into the pregnancy then)**_

Tessa shuddered. They were meeting up with Will's and Cecily's cousins again. She slowly got ready, prolonging her time alone. She knew they weren't really bad people and that Izzy hadn't meant to be rude, but she was still afraid of having another panic attack. Somebody knocked on her door.

"Tessa, I know that you don't want to go, but please hurry up," pleaded Cecy. Tessa took a deep breath and walked out of her bedroom. Her stomach was really noticeable now, and her feet had swollen.

When they got to the cafe, Izzy quickly stood up and walked over to Tessa.

"Tessa, I'm so sorry for what I said last time. I didn't mean to be rude or anything, I was just curious. But as the saying says 'Curiosity killed the cat'," Izzy explained.

"'But satisfaction brought it back'. That's the rest of the quote. I guess I had better explain how this happened," said Tessa. They all sat down and Tessa started the story. She told them how she went out clubbing and how a month later she found out about her pregnancy. They all stared at her as she told them the story of how she had amnesia and forgot about ever going out clubbing. When she finished the story everyone was in shock.

"That is one hell of a story that'll be passed on through the generations," Jace laughed. Clary slapped him upside the head.

"Don't be rude Jace," she chided. Jace rubbed his head and mumbled something that sounded strangely like "spawn of Satan". Clary rolled her eyes at him but took his hand in hers. Tessa flexed her hands. Oh how she wished she could do that to Will. Tessa yawned. She was extremely tired after telling that story. They had only been there for a bit over an hour but she already wanted to go home.

"Guys, I think I'm gonna go home now. Sorry for that," Tessa interrupted. Everyone nodded and Tessa got up to leave. Will got up as well.

"Will you don't have to go with me, I'll be alright," She sighed. But Will was relentless. He was not going to let her walk home alone, especially now that there was a jail break in their city. Tessa rolled her eyes but let him walk her home.

* * *

_**1 month after that (that's like 8 months into the pregnancy!)**_

Tessa cried out. She sat up straight in bed. Will moaned and pulled her back down.

"Tessa you need to sleep," Will murmured. Tessa shook her head.

"I need to talk about this now, Will. Listen to me. I'm gonna be an awful mother! I don't know how to be a mother!" she sobbed. Will gently took her in his arms and made her sit on his lap. He stroked her hair and hugged her tightly.

"Tess, you're gonna be a great mother. I just know you will. It's going to be okay. I'm going to be here for you and we're both going to be amazing parents. It's going to be okay. I promise," Will mumbled in her ear. She slowly calmed down.

"We need to think of names, Will. What will we call our baby if it's a boy?" she wondered. Will smiled and thought for a bit.

"What about James? You know, like after Jem. Since Jem is my best friend and it's a really nice name," he suggested. Tessa nodded.

"And if it's a girl, maybe let's call her Lucie. Like Lucie from A Tale of Two Cities," Tessa said shyly. Will kissed her forehead.

"Of course, whatever you want, Tess."

* * *

_**A MONTH AFTER THAT WHICH MEANS ITS TIME TO GIVE BIRTH TO THAT BABY!**_

Tessa stopped in her tracks. A warm liquid started running down her legs.

"What the fuck... Did I just piss myself?" she said aloud. Suddenly an awful pain started in her abdomen. And that's when she realised. She was giving birth!

"WILL!" she screamed. Will quickly ran down the stairs. Panic was clear in his eyes.

"What's wrong, Tess?" he asked. Then he glanced down at her legs and he realised that she was giving birth. He quickly ran for his phone and called for an ambulance. Tessa cried out as main shot through her.

"I don't want to do this! I don't want to give birth! It hurts!" she screamed. Everyone in the house came running to the living room. They made Tessa lay down on the sofa until the ambulance came.

* * *

_**6 hours and many curses later**_

Will groaned as Tessa grabbed his hand. In the 6 hours of her giving birth, she had most likely broken his hand. Finally she took a large breath, gave one more push and then relaxed. The pain slowly subsided. A shriek pierced the air. A baby started crying. Tessa gave a sigh of relief. Will brushed her hair out of her face.

"You did great, Tess. I'm proud of you," Will whispered. She smiled weakly. A couple of minutes later, a tiny bundle of blankets was brought over to them. Tessa took the baby and gently cradled it in her arms.

"Congratulations. It's a healthy baby boy," The doctor said warmly and then left. The little bit opened his eyes. They were neither blue nor gray. They were an amber colour. Tiny tufts of black hair were upon his small head.

"He's so cute!" Tessa giggled. Will watched them. The 2 people he moved most.

"Our little James," she whispered. Will smiled. That was definitely the best moment of his life.

* * *

_**AAAAND CUT! So guys I went ice skating on Sunday and I nearly died but oh well. Sorry for only posting this chapter now but I didn't have the time to write much this week. Anyway guys I would really appreciate it if you reviewed! Tell me what you thought about this chapter! NATALIA-CHAN OUT *disappears behind a puff of smoke***_

_**Love yah xoxox**_


	11. How She Meets Her End

_**HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIIIIIIIDE! So I went to the Christmas lights last Friday and ran into my crush like 5 times *hysterical laughter* which is bad because we got into a fight and I haven't texted him since last Tuesday (not yesterday. The Tuesday before that) so yeah it was bad. I'm also sick so I haven't been in school! So yeah things have been going totally great for me. Anyway I need to reread what happened last chapter because I totally forgot.**_

_**TRIGGER WARNING: DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH CHARACTER DEATH**_

* * *

Tessa sobbed. She curled herself around James. He was only 2 weeks old and she was so worried about him. The news couldn't have been any worse. In the prison break that happened last month, the man that murdered her family had escaped. He was out there. Probably searching for her. She had to protect her little baby. He could kill her but he had to leave the rest of her family alone. Will walked into the living room. He sat down beside Tessa and took James from her.

"What's wrong, Tess?" Will asked. Tessa wiped her eyes and forced a smile.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Everything is fine," she said, trying to seem cheerful. Will frowned. It wasn't often that Tessa faked being happy.

"Tess, you know you can tell me anything," he whispered. At that Tessa broke apart. He was so kind to her. So gentle. She started sobbing again.

"Mortmain. He broke out of prison. He's the man that killed my family. HES GOING TO COME AFTER ME AS WELL. I KNOW IT, WILL. HE'S GOING TO COME AFTER ME AND WHATEVER FAMILY MEMBER I HAVE LEFT," Tessa shouted while sobbing. Everything was going so well but nothing gold can stay. Of course her life would go downhill after her being happy for so long. Of course this had to happen.

"No, Tess. He's not going to come after you. It's going to be okay. I promise," Will answered a few minutes later, stunned at the news. He wrapped one arm around her, while Jamie slept on in his other arm.

"He's going to come after me. I'm telling you. Look you have to leave town with Jamie. He doesn't know that I have a child. He can't hurt you or James. Understood? Go pack now I'll look after Jamie for the time being," Tessa ordered. Will stood up and went to his room to start backing his stuff. He knew it was for the best.

Tessa cooed over James. It was so hard to part with him. She knew that she would never see him again. She made Will take a couple of pictures of them together. She kissed Will on the cheek and then kissed Jamie's nose and told them to go. After they left, she cried. Her baby and the love of her life were in danger all because of her.

Tessa got up and left the house. She walked around aimlessly for hours until it was dark. She didn't even notice the footsteps behind her.

Suddenly an arm grabbed her and pulled her into a dark alley. Before she could scream somebody covered her mouth with a funny smelling cloth. It was too late when she realised why it smelled weird, and she blacked out.

* * *

She woke up a while later on a cold floor. She tried to sit up but a sharp pain in her abdomen stopped her from doing so. When she looked down she nearly threw up. There was a pool of blood all around her and her abdomen was nonstop bleeding. She knew that she didn't have much time left. She quickly fished out her phone from her pocket. Tessa dialed a number and the love of her life answered after the second ring.

"What's up, Tess? Everything okay?" Will asked. Tessa took a deep breath calming her nerves. This was the end, and she was okay with that.

"Yes, everything is okay," she lied, "I just wanted to call you to get you know that...I really love you. I wish I had said this earlier. I love you so so much William Herondale and I'm glad that you're the father of my child. I'm running out of time, that's why I'm telling you this. Don't forget that I love you. Tell James that I love him. Don't let him forget me." By then there was a dull throbbing in her chest, making it almost impossible to breathe. Tears started pouring from her eyes. This really was the end for her. This was not how she wanted to die. She wanted to either die by natural causes or by killing herself. This was not something that she had predicted.

"Wait, Tess. What's wrong? Why are you running out of time? What's happening?" Will asked frantically. Tessa smiled sadly. He didn't know. She wondered when they would find her body. Would it be simply days later or would it be years later, When her body is decayed and smelly.

"Nothing's wrong. Just make sure that Mortmain gets sent back to prison. You have to do that, no matter what. You can come back tomorrow. Just remember. I love you. I wish I had said this earlier, maybe things would have turned out differently. I love you and Jamie. Remember that. I love you. I love you. I love you..." she uttered her last words on the phone. On the other side of the phone you could hear Will asking questions, clearly concerned about Tessa. But there was no response. And there never would be again. For Tessa Gray had finally met her end.

_The End_

* * *

_**Guys that was actually so emotional. I'm actually fucking crying right now. I'm sorry guys if this is rushed but I'm entering a fanfiction writing contest and I wanted to have this story over and done with. Thank you for sticking with me throughout this story. Thank you guys So much. I also must inform you that I will not be writing an epilogue because I'm feeling extra evil. Anyway the fanfic that I'll be entering for the contest will also be published here on fanfiction. net once I have finished it. Thanks guys. NATALIA-CHAN OUT *disappears behind glittery puff of smoke***_

_**Love yah xoxox.**_


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